Tribe Parodies
by The Mysterious Traveller
Summary: A series of humorous scenes from the Tribe.
1. Bray and Lex try to explain to Sasha abo...

(Bray) Dont worry. We'll take you back to amber later sasha.  
  
(Sasha) why the hell would I want to see the corpse of the girl I love?  
  
(Lex) I'm sure she's just where we left her.  
  
(Sasha) Dude...you guys are SERIOUSLY messed up...  
  



	2. The scene in which Billy-Boy confronts L...

(Billy-Boy) How did you get over there?  
  
(Lex) It must be my diet. i drink a lot of milk.  
  
(Billy-Boy) Ok your milk huh? Well guess what soon you'll be squirting my fist through your nose!  
  
(Lips) That one...  
  
(Teeth) ....really really...  
  
(Dimples) ...sucked man!  
  
(Billy-Boy) Quiet you...  



	3. The Guardian invades the Mall

(Guardian) Greetings insects! Prepare to bask in the greatness of Zo...  
  
(Lex) Hey there your highness! And arent you a pretty little girl?  
  
(Guardian) I'm not a little girl I'm the powerful and dignified leader of a group of monks.  
  
(Lex) Why are you dresse up like a princess then?  
  
(Guardian) I most certainly am NOT!  
  
(Lex) You have long hair. girls have long hair.  
  
(Guardian) Look its not...  
  
(Lex) and a dress. long hair and a dress. Thats a girl in my book.  
  
(Guardian) so how do you explain the facial hair then eh? EH?  
  
(Lex) i was thinking that may be your peasant blood. y'see most men find a little hair sultry and attractive.  
  
(Guardian) I wish a lot of WOMEN did...  



	4. the Guardians meditation is interrupted ...

(Guardian) Oh zoot. I have done all you asked of me. Yet why do you not speak to me? Why do you remain silent? Why do you torment me? Why dont you spe....HEY DONT touch me THERE!  
  
(Luke) well EXCUSE ME mr HOT PANTS!  
  
(Guardian) Why is it we ALWAYS fight on vacation?  
  



	5. Moz confronts Luke

(Moz) You wanna die is that it?  
  
(Luke) You talk about getting your revenge. well go ahead. all I ask is that you make it quick.  
  
(Moz) very well. (Brandishes a bludgeon) Repeat after me. 'I will not paste Moz's head over a pic of Ebony's body'.  
  
(Luke) 'I will not'...  
  
(WHACK!)  
  
(Luke) AHHHH!!!!  
  
(Moz) LOUDER!  
  
(Luke) I will...  
  
(WHACK!)  
  
(Moz) You dont sound all that sorry to me!  
  
(Luke) sob....I....will....not....  
  
(Ebony) Ohhhhhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Whip him good Moz! Uh-huh uh-huh! make him feeeeeel it yeahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!  



	6. Danni gets whacked by one of the Chosen ...

  
(tai-San) SHIT! Danni's lost her head!  
  
(May) What? Well there go our plans for tonight then.  
  
(Tai-San) No I mean her OTHER head!  
  
(May) oh I see. I wonder if the two of us are still on for tonight then. Hmmmmmmm.....  



	7. Dal and Jack try to make plans for the e...

(jack) My dear dal would you care for a BURGER to go with that SHAKE?  
  
(Dal) er jack LEX is right THERE!  
  
(Lex) Dont mind me. heh heh heh....  



	8. Luke is caught out by....Ned?

(Luke) I'm,  
Too sexy for myself,  
To sexy for myself,  
too sexy for m...  
  
(Ned) hallo hallo hallo. What're you young gents doing in here then?  
  
(Luke) Mind winding that window back down?  
  
(Ned) I didnt know you were cheating on ellie.  
  
(luke) er....This IS Ellie Ned! (that got him...)  
  
(Ned) Oh sorry. I didnt realise it was her.  
  
(luke) no and neither did I until you switched the light on...  



	9. The most over-used word in the entirity ...

  
(Ebony) Lex we need you!  
  
(Tai-San) Tai-San needs me! I aint leaving her in the hands of those fruit-cakes! What about you Bray? Are you goona leave Danni to that fruit-cake the Guardian?  
  
(Bray) No way!  
  
(Lex) Buncha fruit-cakes.  
  
(They hear Luke coming with the Chosen to find them)  
  
(Ebony) they're coming!  
  
(Bray) who?  
  
(Lex) the fruit-cakes!  
  
(Ebony) The chosen. come on Lex we'll hide Bray under this bush and come and find him later.  
  
(Lex) thats your big idea is it? What a fruit-cake you really are.  
  
(Bray Enony& Lex) FRUIT-CAKE! 


	10. Trudy contemplates the existence of Brad...

(trudy) Hey Guardian. If I'm Zoots bride and Brady is Zoots child....does that maker her JESUS?  
  
(Guardian) No supreme mother you being Zoots bride and Brady being Zoots child does not make her Jesus.  
  
(Trudy) Nuts! 


	11. The great Paul cover-up

(Bray) Man I gotta tell ya. Andy and Tally? poor kids. I mean they get kids involved in TV shows and then when they've outlived their usefulness they get rid of them and no-one gives them any recognition.  
  
(Ebony) ya mean like Paul?  
  
(Bray) who?  
  
(Ebony and Lex snigger) 


	12. A Patsy and Chloe moment...

(chloe) I think I'll just switch the radio on and listen to my song.  
  
(patsy) I dont wanna listen to THAT song! I wanna listen to MY song!  
  
(chloe) ok. Then I guess I'll just go and read a book.  
  
(Patsy) I dont wanna read THAT book! I wanna read MY book!  
  
(chloe) very well. I guess I'll just go out and look at the stars.  
  
(Patsy) I dont wanna look at THOSE stars! I wanna look at m...  
  
(Chloe stares at Patsy who gives up and slinks off dejectedly) 


	13. The final apocalyptic show-down.

(The Gaians Amber and Trudy arrive at the gate of the Mall as the Guardian prepares to detonate the bomb. They watch heplessly.)  
  
(Tai-San tries to convince the Guardian to give up but fails)  
  
(Lex and Ebony arrive but are unable to do anything)  
  
(Bray arrives dressed as Zoot and reduces big G to a quivering mass. The bomb is diffused)  
  
(Bray) Mallrats and Gaians we have all done this together! But we lost friends fighting for...  
  
(Lex) Uh Bray have noticed that you're the only one who did ANYTHING? 


	14. Just another day in the life of a Mallra...

(Ebony) Just another day in the life of a Mallrat.  
  
(Sasha) hey did'ja hear? They say that Sega are going to stop making Dreamcasts and starting making games for the playstation two!  
  
(Bray) I cant believe that crap! I'll NEVER support the playstation two! Dreamcast FOREVER!!!  
  
(Ebony) Oh come on it isnt so bad. We'll still get to play loads of sega games.  
  
(Sasha) Yeah just on other systems. 'll still miss the dreamcast but you know...  
  
(Bray) I cant believe I'm hearing this! Your TRAITORS all of you!!  
  
(Ebony) Come on Bray what does it matter what sysem a game is on as long as its good?  
  
(Bray) Forget playstation! Maybe I'll get one of those DREAMSTATIONS my mate read about.  
  
(Sasha) Um Bray? i think we need to talk... 


	15. Censorship in the Tribe

(the timer is ticking on the bomb as the Mallrats are all held in the mall by the Chosen)  
  
(Alice) Oh NO! The bomb's gonna go off in three minutes!  
  
(Tai-san) The Guardian is a fanatic and he's going to blow us all up!  
  
(Ned) Oh what are we gonna do what are we gonna do?  
  
(KC) I cant believ this! I'm too young to be sent to the mines!  
  
(Tai-San) WHAT? What's that supposed to mean?  
  
(KC) Well I couldnt say...you know...  
  
(Tai-San) No i dont. I have no idea what your hinting at!  
  
(KC) The word we're not aloud to say! you know...  
  
(Tai-San) WHAT?  
  
(KC) DEAD Tai-San BLOODY DEAD!  
  
(Everyone freezes and then stares at KC  
  
(Guardian) WHAT? WHAT did you SAY?  
  
(KC) I'm sorry! I'm sorry! it wont happen again I swear!  
  
(Guardian) Well see that it dosnt!  
  



	16. Staffing in the Tribe

(Bray) The quality of cloud9 these days! I mean cant they come up with decent characters? God that Ned guy was bad but the new guy...  
  
(Lex) Who's that?  
  
(Bray) The guy over there. Dont look or he'll come over here! DONT LO...  
  
(Lex) Who that guy?  
  
(Bray) Oh nice one Lex! now he's coming over here!  
  
(An obese guy in a red apron and shef's hat waddles over to them)  
  
(Guy) Oi oi oi! twist and shout! twist and shooooooooouuuuuu..... 


	17. GODDAMMIT!!!! LEAVE THE GUARDIAN'S SLEEP...

(Luke) Guardian come quickly! The rebels are storming the mall!  
  
(Guardian) I see. By Zoot they are erecting a statue of me in the court-yard! What's that they're writing at its base?  
  
(Luke) Hang on a second. I'll go look.  
  
(Luke goes down to the court-yard and reads the hastily scratched message in the base of the statue. He then goes back up to where the Guardian is waiting for him expectantly)  
  
(Luke) Is it true that you wear womens underwear in bed sir? 


	18. Sardines...?

(Jack) Ok lets do it! We'll all stand in a circle and pick one of us. That person shall then go out into the passage-way and hide. Then someone else goes to look for him but when they find him they hide with him plus the SNO...  
  
(Dal) er Jack? We're not playing that game mate. 


End file.
